Gay Couples Should Be Allowed To Marry (RCJ August 25, 2001)

Throughout the course of my life and travels I've been privileged to meet and become friends with many Lesbian and Gay couples, which is why I find the current movement to place a ban on Gay and Lesbian unions into the constitution very disturbing.

Putting all the rhetoric and arguments aside, let us not forget that we are dealing with people's lives. These are our friends, neighbors, family members, co-workers and fellow citizens. Most are fine, decent, hardworking individuals who are just trying to make the American Dream work for them.

I've also learned that getting to know someone makes one more sympathetic and compassionate and leads to a greater understanding of their problems and aspirations. Which is why I want to explain why it is that Gay and Lesbian people want to pursue public, legally recognized unions - marriages if you will.

Besides the obvious desire for public commitment and recognition of their union of love, there are some legal problems, which could be resolved by such legal recognition. There are several incidents of which I am personally aware, which might shed some light and understanding on this.

When I was living on the East Coast, I knew a Lesbian couple who had been together for over 30 years. One of them died. After the death, the deceased's disapproving, biological family came and took everything. The house and other property had originally belonged to the deceased and everything had been left in her name. Thus, the surviving partner was left destitute. There was nothing she could do because she had no legal standing.

A good friend who lived on the West Coast had been in a relationship for several years when his partner became very ill. He was in intensive care and not expected to live. The hospital would not allow my friend to visit his partner because he wasn't considered immediate family. He had to file a lawsuit just to be able to visit. He had no legal standing.

When I was in Pennsylvania, I knew a couple who had been together for about seven years. One of them went to visit some friends in another state. While there, he was involved in a traffic accident and was left in a hospital in a coma with little hope of recovery. The injured partner's biological family was notified immediately. The man's partner of seven years wasn't notified for three days. When he was notified, he was told that he wouldn't be allowed in the hospital, would have no say in the removal of life support, no part in planning the funeral and wouldn't be welcome at the funeral. He had to wait several weeks, and then slip into the cemetery to say his good-byes. He could do nothing else because he had no legal standing.

The above tragedies involve people with whom I have had personal ties. They are not uncommon. Many of the everyday things to which heterosexual couples take for granted are denied to Gay and Lesbian couples. Yet, their commitment and love for each other has been no less real.

A public, official and legally recognized union would ensure the above injustices do not happen. It would give legal standing to their relationships and guarantee the same rights, privileges and responsibilities that others take for granted.

Granted there are some legal steps that Lesbian and Gay couples can take such as powers of attorney and wills. However, most states will still give precedent to the biological family. With a decent lawyer, usually these can be over-turned.

We've heard the arguments against Gay and Lesbian people. Those arguments are almost exclusively based on a particular interpretation of Scripture. That interpretation is not shared by all faiths or even all Christian denominations. Many churches already recognize Gay and Lesbian unions.

Others are divided o the issue. Those who disagree are entitled to that belief. No one is requiring them to enter into such a union. However, this country's basic principle of religious freedom and separation of church and state means that we cannot and should not make public policy based on the religious views of one group over another. Religious freedom is the cornerstone of democracy. Any threat to that freedom threatens democracy itself.

Given the hardships and tragedies that result from the current policy, it seems to me that the only decent thing to do is to allow Gay and Lesbian couples the opportunity and the right to publicly and legally declare their commitment one for another.

Recognizing people's love for one another can hardly be a threat to anyone. Incorporating bias and discrimination into the Constitution and limiting religious freedom is much more of a threat and a dangerous path for a nation that calls itself free.